Celebrity Encounter: Kevin Love

Another embarrassing celebrity encounter...

A few weeks back, I had dranken myself into a retarded state at the Westwood Brewing Company.
My friend Alene and I were getting ready to leave, but all of the sudden out of the corner of my eye, I spot a 6'8 giant standing in the corner of the bar. It was none other than NBA player (and UCLA alum), Kevin Love.



"Oh shit!" I thought to myself.

"perfect chance for a photo op!"

Mr. Love seemed to just be relaxing and enjoying his beer (possibly illegally?) and really didn't seem like he wanted to be bothered.

Of course, that didn't stop me.

I leaned over to Alene, "alright, you gotta take a pic of me and Mr. Love!"

I squeezed my way through the crowded bar to get closer to Mr. Love himself.

Not really thinking, I walked up to Mr. Love as he was in the middle of a conversation and tried to get his attention.

At first, he did not seem to notice my presence, maybe due to the fact that he was 11-inches taller than me.

I had to act quickly, so without thinking, I did the first thing that came to my mind.
I walked up closer to Mr. Love and gave him a friendly punch in the chest. (just like friends do)

He stopped talking to whoever he was talking to and just blankly stared down at me.

I didn't really know what to do or say at this point, it had finally registered in my mind that I had just walked up and punched a 6'8 Kevin Love and acted as if we had been friends forever.

So I just uttered the first words that came into my brain:

Me: "Um, can I take a picture with you?"
Kevin Love: "uhh...yeah sure"

So, we posed for a quick snapshot compliments of Alene's iphone.

I was definitely feeling pretty awkward at this point, so in an attempt to gain back some of my dignity, I turned around to Mr. Love and said, "Thanks man, I'm a really big fan" and then hold out my fist for the ultimate sign of camaraderie, 'the fist pound'.

He looked at me for a second, I think it took him a second to realize that this was indeed actually happening.

After leaving me hanging for what felt like an eternity, our fists finally pounded and he just simply quipped, "yeah, thanks."

"good one Russ, you fucking idiot..."

I quickly turned around and left asap.

"Whatever, at least I got a cool pic with Kevin Love, I'm gonna make that shit my new default on Facebook." I thought to myself.

Alene told me she had emailed me the picture.
So when I got home, I hurried to open my email and check out my cool new souvenir.



"AHHHHH WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!"

There's no justice in this world.

Celebrity Encounter: Zlatan Ibrahimovic

As I stated in a previous entry, UCLA has been a hot-spot for celebrity sightings during the summer time.
A few weeks back, Italian champions, Internazionale Milan FC was holding their preseason training at the UCLA soccer fields. Upon learning this, the first thought that popped into my mind was "I gotta meet ZLATAN!"

For those who are unaware, Zlatan Ibrahimovic was the star player for Inter as well as one of the best strikers in the world.

A few days had passed since Inter first arrived at UCLA, and I had still not yet seen any of the players. I was busy with summer school and other shit, and kept on missing the opportunities to meet some players. Many of my friends had encountered Zlatan at the school gym or other places around campus.
On one fateful day, I had just returned from class and begun to take a nap. After about 20 minutes of napping I got a phone call from my good friend Seda, using some random person's cell phone...

Me: Hello?
Seda: RUSSELL, IT'S SEDA. COME DOWN TO PAULEY RIGHT NOW! THE INTER PLAYERS ARE SIGNING AUTOGRAPHS. HURRY!
*click*

So I quickly got up from my nap and walked as fast as I could to Pauley Pavillion.
Right as I arrived at Pauley, I saw Marco Materazzi getting escorted in a golf cart to the fields. Everybody was shouting his name, "Materazzi! Materazzi!"
As he drove past me, I decided to be a little different, hoping that he would notice. I Yelled out "Hey Marco!"
He looked up at me and gave me a wave.

A few minutes later, the Swedish superstar himself made his way out of the locker room. the fans started to go crazy. "ZLATAN! ZLATAN!"
The 6'4 giant quickly got into the golf cart and drove off. As he drove, I started jumping up and down waving my arms around as if I was a 13 yr old girl at a Jonas Brothers concert. "Zlatan!" I shouted continuously. The little prick ignored me (I know he heard & saw me!) and proceeded to put on his sunscreen as he got chauffeured to the soccer field.

"That little fuck!"

Inter had a scrimmage with the UCLA soccer team. It was a private match that was only open to friends/family of both teams and UCLA VIP. Seda and I quickly decided that we must see the game and see Zlatan in action.

We proceeded to get caught trying to sneak in. Twice.

Finally we decided to give up and get lunch.
After lunch, we had noticed that the scrimmage was over and players were being escorted back to the locker room and some players were signing autographs.

As Seda and I were waiting for more players to arrive, Chad "Ocho Stinko" Johnson casually walked past me with his girlfriend. Seeing as how everybody standing around was a futbol fan, he went by relatively unnoticed. I quickly turned to Seda

Me: "Seda thats fucking Ocho Cinco! where's your camera? nobody's even talking to him! I wanna get some pix w/ him"
Seda: "Russell I didn't bring it!"
Me: "fuck..."

So several Inter players arrived and signed autographs, including Cordoba, Diego Milito, and Cambiasso. I was freaking out because I didn't have anything for any of these guys to sign!

Finally, the man himself arrived!

But the little shit-stain ignored the fans and walked straight into the locker room.

After about twenty more minutes, Zlatan reappeared and began to sign autographs.

"Fuck me, this is my chance to finally meet Zlatan, and I don't have anything for him to sign or a god damn camera!"

It was at that moment that it struck me.
I took off my right shoe, and held it high in the air and ran towards the swarm of screaming fans.
As I rushed to get Zlatan's signature, I was attacked by elbows and shoves by other fans hoping to get the same signature.

"There is fucking no way that these little foreign faggots around me are gonna beat me to this. I am GOING to get Zlatan to sign this fucking shoe, even if it kills me!"

I finally pushed my way to the front and had jumped over a middle-aged Italian woman, and at long last, my stinky white Nike was perfectly placed in front of Zlatan's face. I saw him look at it. He pulled out his black sharpie and began to sign it.

"YES! SUCCESS!"

He had finished signing my shoe and moved on to the next autograph.

The excitement was killing me. It was time for me to take a look at my Nike sneaker with the brand new Zlatan Ibrahimovic signature!

I brought the shoe back down and took a look.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS!?!!"

The sight that lay before me had made my blood begin to boil.

"That fucking Swedish piece of shit!"

That's not a fucking autograph!

As luck would have it, just a few days later, Zlatan was traded to Barcelona FC.
Coincidentally Barcelona is scheduled to arrive at UCLA this Wednesday for preseason training, meaning that I am going to find Zlatan again and demand a proper autograph!

until then, he is dead to me.

Never Trust a Woman from Barcelona

I finally know what it's like to be used for my extremely good looks...

Apparently every summer, UCLA undergoes an invasion of Europeans looking to take some summer classes while enjoying the beautiful sunny weather and ambiance of Los Angeles. There are currently French, Spanish, German, and Italian students aged 16-26 at every turn. Summer school is pretty much an excuse for the Europeans to go out and see the glitz and glamor of LA during the peak summer months.

A few nights ago, my roommates and I went "bar-hopping" in Westwood (there are only 2 bars in Westwood). It was a typical Tuesday night, we started off at the Westwood Brewing Company
for "Electro Tuesday". We grabbed a few drinks and put on a little show on the dance floor. After a little bit, we decided that we have had enough and were ready to move on to the next bar, O'hara's (more commonly known as Maloney's). Right as we walk in, I notice that this place is packed tighter than my butt. Spaniards and Frenchmen everywhere. My roommates and I begin to walk around the bar, trying to find a place to sit. As I'm walking around, I feel someone grab my arm.

I look and see this short brown haired girl wearing a really ugly dress.
I'm just thinking "wtf?"

So I say: "um..what?"
Her: "You cannot walk by here."
Me: "why not?"
Her: "Because I do not know your name."

I started to blush a little bit..

Me: "My name is Russell, whats your name?"

I forgot what she said her name was...

Her: "Where are you from?"
Me: "I'm from around here, where are you from?"
Her: "Barcelona"
Me: "oh very cool, I want to visit there sometime."
Her:"would you like to dance?"
Me: "sure"

So we start to dance on the dance floor and she quickly starts to get really freaky.
I wasn't too attracted to this girl and her dancing started to make me uncomfortable.
She had no rhythm whatsoever, and quite frankly couldn't keep up with my fast-paced sensual teasing and grinding. She started to deliver those "signs", the kind that mean 'I want you bad'. I wasn't too thrilled about this, but I thought to myself "well, I've never hooked up with a foreign chick before, so this could be kind of cool?"

My lips slowly made their way to her neck and I gradually and smoothly moved my way upwards to her lips, leaving her quivering with excitement. After about 10 seconds, I decided that this broad was just too much of a rook.

"ok fuck this shit, this chick cant kiss and she smells bad." I thought to myself.

so After a short while, the girl abruptly stops and goes "ok I'll be right back"
And at that moment, I quickly ran the other direction.
As I was running away, I looked over my shoulder and noticed that she was doing the same thing.

"Wait a second. that's not right. only I'm supposed to be running away"

So I meet up with my roommates...
My roommate Ben goes, "Ru$, where have you been?"
Me: "dude, I just hooked up w/ a girl from Barcelona on the dance floor, it was kinda weird."
Ben: "haha no way me too"
Me: "um what?"
Ben: "yeah, it was like 10 minutes ago"

"Hmmm this sounds a little fishy, please god don't tell me I just got Ben's sloppy seconds."

Ben started to notice the disgruntled look on my face.

Ben: "haha was she short, with brown hair and braces?"

"phew, thank god. the girl I hooked up with didn't have braces. Can't be the same girl"

Me: Nah, the girl I hooked up with didn't have braces.
Ben: oh ok.

It was at that precise moment that the girl from Barcelona walked right through Ben and me.
She pretended not to see me, as she made her way through the crowded bar.
I quickly looked over at Ben.

Ben: "was that the girl you hooked up with?"
Me: "yeah.."
Ben: "Me too."

"GOD FUCKING DAMN IT."

Summer '09 update

Due to the unreliability and laziness of the other 'horny gentlemen', (especially Nick Burke, considering we all know he has nothing important going on in his life) I have taken it upon myself to revive this blog and bring it back from the dead. We are now currently hitting the halfway point of my first summer here in LA, and it has actually been quite eventful.

-I'm currently enrolled in Summer School and totally DGAF'ing.
-UCLA during the summer time is a hot-spot for celebrity sightings (Inter Milan FC, Terrell Owens, Chad Ocho Cinco, Pete Sampras, and Kevin Love to name a few)
-We have a new Roommate from Germany here for the summer.
-I've been doing some exploring of the surrounding LA area
-Victor (aka Pricktor) is back from Madrid
-Apparently Jayson is (officially)gay now?

More stories to come..