Nicholas Burke

I used to think that babies came out of the woman's butt... to my utter suprise, they don't. My name is Nicholas Francis Burke, but most people refer to me as just "Burke." Your thinking, "Wow Burke, I didn't realize that you have such a fucking lame middle name." Listen bitch, it so happens that Frank is short for Francis. Don't you remember a little guy named Francis (Frank) Sinatra? The guy fucking pioneered "panty dropping." Women most likely would have eaten a bowl of cereal out of that man's ass if he'd of let them. If that's not cool... I sure as hell don't know what is. Getting Lucky Charms eaten out of your ass by a pair of beautiful women... forget about it.


Anyways, I thoroughly enjoy freaking out about everything. It makes things that much more exciting. I also thrive in the fact that when someone is referring to meeting me they either call me "that dirty white guy" or "that goofy-dirty white guy." Apparently my long flowing blonde hair, looks greasy and unkempt. What the fuck!? I shower everyday... well almost everyday... every other day. The beautiful scents of my own natural musk is covered up by the numerous amount of cigarettes I suck down. Not to mention my recently pointed out love handles (thanks Russ) and my beer gut. You'd think attracting women would be nearly impossible for a specimen such as myself... wrong. I really don't know why, but it seems the more dirtball you are the more ass you can get. I mean, personally I have straight up smelled like stinky-sweaty testicles and have gotten laid without complaints. (You know that if you can smell your own odor than you really fucking stink) It's funny. Sorry, I keep distracting myself with my own ADD. So, besides loving to freak out and being a complete dirtbag, I enjoy hanging out with my fellow Extra Horny Gentlemen (I really don't enjoy it, but for the blog's sake... I do) while drinking dangerously large amounts of alchohol and creating drama. So funny. I also really like smoking cigarettes. Someone once asked me what I had planned on doing for the day, I simply responded with "I'm gunna sit around and smoke some cigarettes." I'm that guy that will probably have sex with your girlfriend if given the opportunity. I'm done with this post.

I hate you all, and thrive on how much I do. Remember Gentlemen, don't shower.

-Burke