Queefimous Fartimous

Due to popular demand, I will share with you a story of an actual incident that happened like six months ago after my girlfriend of two years broke up with me. To regress, I hope this story is the first of our many "Sexcapades" entered into this blog.

Ok. Ok. So, I was having sex with this girl (No Names) I had met somewhere, at someplace, on some night. I was on top of her... she was on top of me... everything was going relatively well... Perhaps too well. About an hour and a half into it, I was unable to hang in there any longer and I decided to flip her around and end with a "doggystyle" finish. So, I'm slamming her... slamming her some more... a little more... and I finally pull out and cum. I'm so exhausted that I literally collapse forward where my face lands directly on her butt. As I'm catching my breathe and reliving how amazing and talented I am at sex, I hear (and feel) this strange "feeewwwp!!!"(fart noise) right on my face. Literally... right around my fucking mouth. I jump up and pause for a second, glarring at her trying to realize what the fuck just actually happened. Did she really just fart on my face!? perhaps in my mouth!? I start laughing uncontrollably about how gross and ridiculous the situation is. So hard in fact, that I feel feces in my underpants. (Not only did I get farted on but I may have just shit my pants as well, whatever the case, there was no time to check) She was literally mortified. I'm laughing histerically rolling around on the floor and she's racing to get dressed on the verge of tears. She didn't even try to justify herself, she knew exactly what she did. Trying to calm her embarassment down while I'm still laughing I say, "It's not that big of deal... Really, I'm not gunna tell anyone." I lied. Not only was it a very big deal, I also told a few of my friends. She ended up leaving and I never really talked to her again. To my utter suprise I later found out that it was a queef and not a fart... how am I supposed to know? The thing sounded like a juicy-wet fart from someone who hasn't shit in days.

I will be writing a few more "Sexcapades" in the future. Hopefully, my fellow Gentlemen have some amusing stories as well.

-Burke